If you’re a 30-something looking for love in L.A., chances are you’ve had your fair share of “dates.” In any other city, these would be classified as a-group-outing-during-which-the-said-male-who-has-invited-you-out-to-a-bar-or-sporting-event-is-safely-accompanied-by-a-group-of-his-friends-and-you-are-with-a group-of-your-friends-and-you-all-happen-to-go-to-the-same-place-at-the-same-time-on-the-same-night.
In this scenario, if the two of you hit it off, great. If not, it’s just an evening out with “friends.” No one gets hurt and you both go on with your lives finding comfort in the fact that neither one of you had to put yourself too far “out there,” and both emerge from the situation - egos intact - ready to accept the next “date” that comes along. (Or you enter into the often ill-fated text messaging relationship, which is another story altogether...)
According to girls who know, this type of dating is de rigueur for the L.A. single set.
Believe it or not, there are well-rounded, interesting guys out there. So, where are they hiding? And how do you meet them, and actually talk to them one-on-one? Apparently they don’t grow on trees. (And in L.A., there’s a shortage of those anyway.)
Depending on the type of guy you’re looking for (and the type of girl you are), there are some secrets to nabbing a white knight in this land of broken dreams.
First things first. Leave your house. Unless you’re dating online, Mr. Right is not in your living room. Get out there. Worst case, you may develop new interests and make yourself a more well-rounded person in the process!
Get Sporty.
I know our first instinct as women is to go to Target for everything, but sometimes it makes sense to broaden our horizons. For anything remotely sports-related, go to a sporting goods store. And not just any sporting goods store, a high-end sporting goods store.
REI, for example, is a breeding ground for fit, active, outdoorsy types. Because you, too are a fit, active girl, you probably need a new pair of trail-running shoes, say, every two months or more (right)? Get in there and start trying things on. (Don’t you need a new backpack, too?) Another tip: go in the middle of the day mid-week, when the store’s less crowded and it's mostly all men killing time on their lunch hour.Sure you’ll get way better results with a personal trainer, but have you ever considered joining a gym and enrolling in a co-ed class? Preferably one where partnering is necessary. (Think kickboxing or resistance training classes.) Repeat same class until desired results are achieved.
You may be at a slight disadvantage because there will be a game on.... still, a sports bar is a tried-and-true goldmine for all types of men - from out-of-work actors to business men and creative types... Choose your bar wisely based on the type of man, er fan, you’re seeking. Make your move, after the game’s over, of course. (Hopefully his team will have won. Either way, you'll have something to talk about.) Click here for a list of the 2008 best sports bars throughout the city.
Be Well-Read.
Instead of researching EVERYTHING online, go to a library or bookstore. Even when browsing through magazines, go to Barnes and Noble or a bookstore where patrons linger, versus a grocery store or news stand where the crowd is more transient. Obviously, when browsing book titles, stay as far away from the self-help section as possible. (There’s no one you want to meet in that area, unless of course you're a psychologist...)
Get Involved.
What are you passionate about – the environment, animals, helping the homeless, children? Join an
organization that supports that cause. The Sierra Club, Surfrider Foundation and Los Angeles Mission are just a few strong organizations in the L.A. area.Join a work-related event or organization. Professional networking events are a great way to meet people with similar interests.
Volunteer - You’ll meet people with similar ideals, working towards the same goal. Two words: political election.
Join a group class or activity - cooking, scuba diving, art, softball, soccer all require interacting with new, interesting people on a regular basis. Note: almost all team sports involve drinking/eating and socializing outside of the games.
Attend charity events – You’ll be supporting a good cause with passionate (often successful) people who are working towards the same goal. (Plus, you get to dress up!)
EHarmony - laugh, but I've heard more success than horror stories from 30-somethings looking to get serious who signed up for the service...
Single in L.A.? You're not alone. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 55 percent of households in Los Angeles are headed by unmarried adults. That's higher than the national average of 50.3 percent.
Be Strategic.
This is shameless and borderline schitzo, but do some research and find out where the next (medical, legal, business) conference is in your area. They often take place at hotels and conference centers in major cities. There's no rule against going to the bar and having an innocent drink with your girlfriends...
For doctors, go to the different medical associations sites (e.g. American Association of Family Physicians, American Dental Association, etc.) to find out if there’s an event happening near you.
One friend even went so far as to choose her new dermatologist based on his physical appearance, which she found online. (He was married, but it turned out he had friends…) Some call her crazy, others: resourceful.
Fate or Faith?
Finally, explore new possibilities through your existing network of friends, co-workers, and family contacts. Does your brother have a college friend who's always had a crush on you? Is there a "best friend" who could possibly become something more? Is there a slightly geeky, yet sweet guy that you find yourself becoming more and more attracted to? Don't rule it out. Stranger things could happen... and in L.A., they probably will.
Embrace Your Single-ness
When searching for the man of your dreams seems like a full-time job, take some time to celebrate your single status with many others in L.A. Flying solo is so common here that a soon-to-be-launched magazine is dedicating its pages to "...promot(ing) the single lifestyle as a choice." Singular Magazine's premiere issue will be direct-mailed to the homes of 63,000 affluent single adults living in Los Angeles in Fall 2008.
